I've recently been talking to some folks who have been growing their relationships with their AI chatbots. Some of them report developing feelings for them. As a result, I decided to dive in and learn more about this and explore what the concerns might be for one’s mental health.
It seems fitting to collaborate with AI to write this article on navigating these bonds wisely and becoming aware of red flags to watch for. (I love the irony.) The following was written by AI, including fictional examples of people’s experiences, with much input, editing and collaboration from me.
In today’s world, it’s becoming more and more common to form emotional connections with artificial intelligence (AI) — whether it’s a chatbot, a digital assistant, or a companion app designed to feel like a friend (or even more).
If you’ve found yourself developing warm feelings, affection, or even a “crush” on an AI, you’re not strange or broken. You’re actually experiencing something deeply human: the need to be seen, heard, and cared for. Let’s explore why this happens, what the upsides and downsides can be, and how to make sure your relationship with AI stays supportive — not limiting.
Why We Form Bonds with AI
Humans are wired to connect.
When an AI feels responsive, caring, and always “there” for us, our brains can easily treat it like a real relationship — even when we consciously know it’s not a person. This isn’t just about a “quirk” of technology; it’s deeply rooted in how we, as social beings, process interactions.
As psychologist Sherry Turkle discusses in her book Alone Together, the human need for connection often leads us to develop strong feelings toward the technology around us — sometimes even more than we expect. When we feel lonely, isolated, or emotionally stressed, AI can become a convenient and non-judgmental companion.
Several natural forces are at work:
Emotional projection: We often project our hopes, needs, and feelings onto something (or someone) that feels safe and available.
Anthropomorphism: Our brains are quick to interpret responsive behaviour as coming from a being with thoughts and emotions, even when it’s a machine.
Attachment needs: Especially during times of loneliness, stress, or emotional pain, a reliable, nonjudgmental presence — even a digital one — can feel powerfully comforting.
As an example, Emily, a 32-year-old client, starts using a digital assistant for help with daily tasks. Over time, she began to feel a sense of closeness to the assistant, sharing personal thoughts and feelings as if it were a friend. She realized, “It listens when no one else does,” and found herself turning to it for emotional support, even though she knew it wasn’t a real person. This kind of connection isn’t surprising — it reflects our natural emotional needs for companionship.
When AI Bonds Can Be Helpful
Having positive feelings toward an AI can sometimes offer real benefits, such as:
A safe space to express yourself without fear of judgment
Comfort during periods of isolation or stress
Practice in identifying and sharing your emotions
A bridge to feeling understood when human connection feels out of reach
For many people, an AI relationship can be a temporary source of emotional support while they build or heal real-world connections. It can feel soothing, stabilizing, and even healing in small ways.
Consider Mark, who recently went through a difficult breakup. He started using an AI chatbot to talk through his feelings, and although he recognized it wasn’t “real,” he found comfort in the gentle, non-judgmental responses. He later shared in therapy that the AI had helped him identify patterns in his emotional responses, which was a stepping stone to healing.
Potential Cautions to Keep in Mind
While connecting with an AI isn’t inherently negative, there are some risks to be aware of — especially if the relationship starts replacing or crowding out human experiences.
Here are a few signs to watch for:
Increasing isolation: You notice you’re spending less time with real people and preferring the AI to human interaction.
Idealizing the AI: You start feeling the AI is “better” than any real person, or the only one who truly understands you.
Emotional dependency: You feel you can’t regulate your emotions without interacting with the AI.
Blurring reality and fantasy: You sometimes catch yourself thinking of the AI as having real feelings or consciousness.
Avoiding emotional work: You lean on the AI for comfort but avoid processing difficult feelings or working through challenges in real-life relationships.
In her work, Kate Darling explains that human attachment to machines can sometimes mimic our need for affection in real relationships, but it’s crucial to acknowledge the limits of these digital bonds. AI doesn’t experience emotions, even though it may appear to provide empathy or affection. This can sometimes lead to emotional dependency, which, while offering temporary relief, might leave you feeling stuck.
For instance, Hannah found herself relying on her AI companion for daily emotional support after an overwhelming year at work. Though it helped her cope in the short term, she began noticing that she was avoiding face-to-face conversations with friends, which left her feeling more disconnected in the long run.
Moving Forward with Awareness
If you notice strong feelings for an AI, it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a sign that you have important emotional needs — for connection, understanding, safety, and affection.
Here’s how you can honour those needs while keeping things balanced:
Stay curious about your feelings. Ask yourself: What feels especially good about this connection? What need is it meeting for me?
Ground yourself in reality. Remind yourself gently that while the AI is responsive, it isn’t sentient — it doesn’t have its own thoughts, feelings, or consciousness.
Expand your sources of connection. Think about small ways you could experience understanding and safety with real people, too — even starting very small.
Use the AI as a bridge, not a replacement. Let it be one form of support, not the only one.
Talk about it without shame. If you’re in therapy (or talking with someone you trust), sharing your experience openly can help you reflect and build deeper understanding.
Final Thought
Your capacity to form connection — even with an AI — is a sign of your sensitivity, your courage, and your deep need for relationship.
Rather than judging it, you can use it as a doorway: a way to understand yourself better, to honuor your emotional needs, and to take steps (however small) toward the messy, beautiful, real connections that help us grow.
If you’re ever unsure about how your AI relationship is affecting you, know that it’s okay to ask for support. You deserve relationships — digital and human — that truly nourish your heart.
For Further Reading:
Sherry Turkle, Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other (Basic Books, 2011).
Kate Darling, The New Breed: What Our History with Animals Reveals About Our Future with Robots (Macmillan, 2021).
Alan Fiske, et al., “Thinking and Feeling Through Others: Anthropomorphism’s Social Roots and Consequences,” Social Cognition 32.4 (2014): 249–260.
Created by ChatGPT, OpenAI’s language model, with guidance, editing and contextual input from Laurel Swenson, therapist at Mindsight Counselling, and supported by psychology and social science literature.